Did he notice me?
Was it him? Yes, it was him.
How could I forget that face? The face that made this harsh world seem a little brighter. When I was at my worst, at the darkest hours of my life, that face was the only thing that provided me the solace I was always looking for.
But did he notice me? Does he even remember me? It’s been five years and I could never move on. I tried but there was a part of me that believed I didn’t need another forever because I had already lived my eternity with him.
He has not changed a bit. Oh god, I miss that boy so much.
I know I have to get to the meeting as soon as possible. I can’t let these thoughts distract me. Today’s a big day for me.
I reminisced my way past downtown, thinking of all the things we used to do, places we’d go to celebrate. I was late for the meeting but oh well, I didn’t regret the trip down memory lane.
Is that him? Is that seriously Rohan?
I was shocked to see him seating in the hotel lobby. What was he doing here? I had questions. And the insides of me were screaming so hard, telling me to go embrace him, kiss that beautiful face and oh, how I wanted to but I consoled myself.
Should I talk to him?
Let’s do it. Let’s see if he even remembers me.
“Do you still listen to Said The Sky?”
I sat beside him, he was surprised at that question. Maybe he didn’t recognize me for a second. But then his eyes focused on me and he knew who it was. And the expression on his face, that smile, oh what will I not give to have that back in my life.
“He will always be an inspiration. Nevwr stopped.”
He took a deep breath.
Is he nervous? Oh my god, the thought of me making him nervous gives me goosebumps.
“I thought after our breakup, you would’ve stopped because you always told me his songs reminded you of me.”
I don’t know why I said that to him, but I was just brain dead meeting him. It was a 5 year long dream come true.
“Let’s just say that I didn’t want to forget you.”
My heart stopped. Literally. I was about to fall in the lobby.
“And might I correct you, it was not a breakup. I would’ve never left if it were not for the circumstances.”
I was speechless. He hadn’t changed one bit. He was the same man he was. My Rohi, I missed that voice so much.
“It was just for the question, I didn’t mean it.”
I was nervous. Adrenaline rushing through my body like I was experiencing something for the first time. It was like a Lauv song playing around me. It was majestic.
“I… don’t know what to say. It’s been five years.”
I tried not to break down but he noticed the cracks in my voice.
“Yeah, five long years. How did you manage it?”
Oh! Rohi, how do I tell you? How do I tell you that I think about you everyday. I still have that picture where you are smiling like an idiot after missing the chair completely because you were too drunk.
“I don’t know. The days kept passing by and I kept on living.”
He wasn’t expecting that. He knew me. Better than everybody else.
“So, did you move on?”
That question felt like a stab in the chest. How can I ever move on from you Rohi?
“I don’t dwell on that much. You know how it goes.”
He knew I avoided things I had no control over, things that made me break down in the middle of an otherwise perfectly fine day.
“Oh yeah, I do.”
“So, did you find someone?”
I felt my body flinch when I asked that question. I could feel the sting rush through my body. I didn’t want to ask that but I wanted to know.
“I had my eternity with you, I don’t need another forever.”
A sigh of relief came out. I was overjoyed. I was glad that he felt the same way.
He didn’t stop at that,
“And how can I find someone new? Tell me Adi. How can I? You know I can’t do that. Ever since I’ve been gone, you’re the only one on my mind.”
I felt my heart stop again. This man was still making me blush.
“Why’d you have to leave me, Rohi? Why’d you have to leave me like that?
I asked him teary-eyed.
“Aditi Ma’am? Deepak Sir will see you now.”
A voice came darting through all the foggyness that engrossed us in our conversation.
“Just give me a moment.”
I wanted answers, and I wasn’t letting him go this time. I wanted to know and I wanted him to stay.
I looked back at where he was sitting and the sofa was empty. He disappeared again.
“Give me an answer, Rohi. Please, I beg you.”
I burst into tears. All the pain welling up in my chest, no amount of medicines could ever clear the blockage caused by that pain. I sobbed, I bawled my eyes out.
Ever since the accident, he comes and he goes but he never gives me what I want. He was always like this. He always liked teasing me.
“Ma’am, are you okay?”
“No, I’m not.”
I got up and left. Walking down the street, I saw him again. He smiled, nodded in my direction and walked right past me and as I turned to get one more glimpse of him, he was gone. He died five years ago but the memories he left never do. And I always find myself saying,
“I had my eternity with you. I don’t want another forever.”